Ponderings of a Philalethist

So when did I stop living and start studying…

It’s funny.

There has been a tension within me for longer than I can remember.

In high school, I was content to watch.  (Take that however you want.)

In college I was content to learn - that’s the point of college right?

Then I moved away from home, and became content on living - I was on my own!

One day, I woke up, discontent.  And I am still working on it….

The more I lived, the more I learned.  And the more I wanted to learn, so I determined to concentrate on that.  I really buckled down on learning.  I thought that meant reading, studying, attending classes, even though i was happy doing other things…

The discontentment grew as I realized what I was “learning” or being fed, did not match with my personal experiences.  What people are selling in school, (and from behind some pulpits), what we are being fed as “education” isn’t true.  It’s a degree in miseducation.  By the time the spin-doctor professor knows enough to lie to you, it’s old news anyway.

My learning led to more seeking to learn.  Questions were met with more questions, and the answers were less than satisfying.  I was finding too many dichotomies that didn’t play out in life.  What good was I doing writing papers about my beliefs when only one person, mainly the professor, was going to read it?  Why was I sitting in class discussing causes of poverty, and assessing blame with hundreds of students when anyone of us could be out there helping to get rid of it?  Why were we accepting, “Think for yourself” from someone who used textbook written by another professor?

There is that brilliant scene in Monty Python’s Life of Brian, where the entire town, believing Brian is the Messiah, has shown up outside his house to hear his first words of wisdom.  Except Brian isn’t ready.  In fact he is so caught off guard, he isn’t wearing any clothes.  So he says to the massive crowd, “You’ve got to think for yourselves.  You’re all individuals!”

The crowd intonates back to him, “Yes, we are all individuals.”

Brian continues, “You’re all different!”

The crowd repeats again, “Yes, we are all different.”

And one lonely voice says, “I’m not.”

Get me out of here.

Free me from myself.

We have become so different from each other, we’re all the same in that we’ve drawn lines all through the human race.  Our innate differences are what should bring us together.  But we’ve lost sight of what’s important, and we don’t trust God; so we’ve chosen pride and protection over love and community.  Gang signs, anyone?  What is Iraq but just another gang war?  When will it stop?  As I’ve heard it said, “How can love stop at the border?”

Like the lone voice in the crowd in Life of Brian, I would rather stick my neck out, refusing to be an individual, if it means thinking for myself.  And when I say “thinking for myself” I don’t mean thinking about myself.  I mean staying true to what I have learned to be true.  And more importantly, then all of that, I mean being responsible for, and following through with my actions what I know to be true in my heart.

We should all be the same when it comes to that.

Especially the church.